Wednesday, March 04, 2009

The Dag's Dictionary by Richard Glover

Having been unwell for a couple of weeks and feeling pretty low, an online visit to the Book Depository and a trip to the second hand book store at Mt Gravatt was in order. Nothing like a bit of book therapy to chase the blues away. I picked up a book I needed for a goodreads reading challenge and a few more books that I didn't actually need but did want. I also found a little book that had me giggling in store (and getting strange looks from other customers) so I bought it for no other reason except it made me laugh. Now I'm not too sure whether this book tickled my fancy because I have a warped sense of humour or whether an overindulgence in cough medicine increased the funny factor or maybe it is just plain funny. Anyway I thought I'd share a couple of highlights from this little book that really cheered me up & you can decide whether there's anything that appeals to your sense of humour.
- "a very funny book of words that should exist - but don't"
Published: 2001
Copyright: 2004
Pages: 160
This is a funny, tongue-in-cheek mock reference book for those who appreciate clever puns or anyone with a warped sense of humour. "With over 300 freshly minted words, The Dag's Dictionary is a hilarious trip into the delicious oddities of human behaviour." Set out in alphabetical order with illustrations splashed throughout.
Testiculation (tes tik' yu lay' shun) n. The male habit of giving one's testicles a quick squeeze or prod at 3 minute intervals throughout the working day, just to check they haven't suddenly disappeared, or been pecked off by wild birds.
Snoregasm (snaw' gaz um) n. The particularly delicious and abandoned moment experienced after you've pressed the snooze button on your alarm clock.
Poultrygeist (pol tree' guyst) n. Any scary man dressed up in a chicken suit
Autopia (or toe' pee ah) n. The sense of joy and elation when you find a vacant parking space right outside the place you need to go.
Forgiftfulness (faw gift' ful nes) n. The pratice of buying the perfect Christmas present in September and then forgetting where you hid it.
Botax (bow taks') n. The percentage of expression lost by those who've had botox injections.
Digger mortis (di gah' naw tis) n. An affliction suffered by council road crews, whereby they appear to be leaning on their shovels, but have in fact died at some point during the day.
Clarifart (kla ri' faht) n. To move your bum on a vinyl office chair or leather couch in order to produce yet another farting sound, so that everyone might understand that the first alarming noise, produced a moment ago, was not an actual fart.
Pantsformation (pants' for may' shun) n. The ability of a pair of pants to transmogrify into something hideous and the wrong size, once you get them home from the shop.
Male-adjusted (mayl' ad jus tid) adj. Pertaining to the male belief that the more of the product you use the better will be the result, whether it's washing powder, shampoo or Viagra.
Horrorgami (hor ah' gah mee) n. The vain attempt to re-fold a road map back the way it came, especially in high wind or while still driving.
Kindyscretion (kin dee' skre shun) n. The loud, inappropriate, but usually truthful comment that your child makes at the worst possible moment. For example, are you doing a poo mummy (while in a public toilet)


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